It’s a Miracle

I had such fears, none of them justified. Susan said my snoring blew the tiles off the ceiling. I said, meh. She said I stopped breathing off and on all night long. I said. I’m still here. She dealt with my lackadaisical   attitude by buying a noise machine that masked my snoring and other wretched sounds she swore I made. Susan can be very dramatic, but most of the time, right-damn.
It wasn’t until many months ago when my cardiologist  diagnosed an irregular heart beat. No big deal, I take meds, I’m good to go for a few decades more. As he was questioning me about my health, he asked if I had sleep apnea. I laughed. I said please, do not talk to my wife.
He didn’t think that was funny. He asked me a bunch o questions. I must have answered them all wrong because the first thing I know, he says that I need to go to a sleep specialist. Of course Susan was elated but kind enough to smirk out of sight.
I never knew. Not only is sleep apnea a condition that leads to snoring, but a bagillion other things-like heart problems, sleep problems, energy problems, etc. etc.
And now that I am aware, it seems like every other person I know has this condition or knows someone who does. According to what I’ve read, 8% of all Americans have it, and of the people who do have it, as many as 85% are undiagnosed.
My biggest fear going into the overnight sleep test and beyond, was that I would never  get used to wearing a mask over my schnozz at night. How wrong I was. I am now the poster child of sleep apnea success.  From day one I easily made the adjustment. They said results could take time. They said getting used to the mask could take time. Wrong on both counts for me. I had no idea how bad my sleep has been for years. I’ve had doctors prescribe sleep meds, I’ve taken many over the counter meds, and I’ve tried all sorts of things to get  a good nights sleep. And even when I thought I had slept well, compared to what is now going on in my life, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for over a decade.
First night, monster me, so afraid that Susan wouldn’t want to sleep next to Hannibal Lector. Lucky me, she likes me a lot and her patience and understanding really paid off.  I slept eight hours, didn’t get up to go pee once, and according to the snoring police, kept from warbling all night long. And my breathing didn’t stop any time during the night. I had energy all day long and did not fall asleep at the keyboard or while watching television. It’s now been thirty days and this pattern has repeated itself every day I’ve worn the mask.
It’s a miracle!

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